The First Chapter

2024: A Year of Heartbreak and Resilience

In September 2023, we got engaged. It was a joyful time in our lives, filled with excitement as we planned our wedding for the next year. Along with our wedding plans, we also made the decision to start trying for a baby, believing it would be a beautiful next step in our lives together. Little did we know, 2024 would bring us more pain than joy as we began a journey we never expected.

In January 2024, just a couple of months after we started trying, we found out we were pregnant. We were overjoyed, but unfortunately, our happiness was short-lived. We experienced an early miscarriage, which left us devastated. The emotional toll was overwhelming, and it felt like we had taken two steps forward and been knocked back three.

But we didn’t give up. Miraculously, we fell pregnant again the very next month. Our hope was reignited, but as with the first pregnancy, things didn’t go as we had hoped. At six weeks, on Mother’s Day—what should have been a day of celebration—my body started to betray me. I had what can only be described as labor pains, a cruel reminder of what was slipping away. We went to the Early Pregnancy Unit and received the heartbreaking diagnosis of a blighted ovum. The pregnancy had stopped developing, and there was no baby. We made the incredibly difficult decision to terminate, and after two rounds of medication, I had to undergo a surgical procedure known as an MVA (Manual Vacuum Aspiration).

The following months were a blur of waiting. Waiting for my body to recover. Waiting to ovulate. Waiting for something to go right. We tried to stay hopeful, but the constant cycle of grief and loss was exhausting.

After our wedding in June and our honeymoon, we found out in August that we were pregnant again. I couldn’t shake the feeling of fear this time, but I wanted to stay positive. At six weeks, we went for an early scan, and for the first time, we saw our baby’s heartbeat. It was a moment of pure joy and relief, but unfortunately, that happiness was short-lived. Just one week later, I began experiencing those familiar labor pains, and we learned that our baby had stopped developing. My heart shattered all over again.

We made the difficult decision to undergo another MVA, this time with the hope that we could get some answers through testing. The results came back in December, and we learned the devastating news that we had lost a little boy, one who had Patau Syndrome.

This rare genetic condition would have caused severe complications throughout pregnancy. Even if the pregnancy had made it to full term, our baby likely would have passed away within the first year of life.

While it was difficult to hear, it also added another layer to our grief, knowing that we had faced something so rare and challenging.

2024 has been a year of unimaginable heartache and loss, but it has also been a year of resilience. Though I’ve struggled to find my way through the darkest moments, I’ve also learned just how strong I am. The pain is still raw, and the journey is far from over, but I am determined to keep moving onward. I’ve learned that healing is not linear and that each step, no matter how small, is a victory.

This blog is my way of sharing my story, my journey through loss, and the hope I still carry. If you’re reading this and you’ve experienced similar heartache, know that you are not alone. Together, we can support each other through the darkness and support each other in this journey.